Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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