I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
