my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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