I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You ruined the universe
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
