..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
