would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The best revenge is premature balding
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
