i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
