I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
