Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
