Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
