i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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