I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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