Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize