i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
