you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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