Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
