your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
