my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
