he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
