Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
