I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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