if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
