I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
