The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize