Your tits are I can't wait for
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
