SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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