You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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