I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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