FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
