A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
