Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
