and you said cock pushups were impossible
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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