Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
