I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
