I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
