i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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