I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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