She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize