one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
