I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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