A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
