You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
