I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
