3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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