I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
