I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
