i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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