I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
