everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
