Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
