so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
