please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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