If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
