Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She announced her abortion via fbk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
