Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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