How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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