I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize