Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
