Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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