we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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