I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
