2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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