nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
