I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
