i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
