i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
