so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
