We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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