if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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