I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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