Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
