you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
