mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
