mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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