I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize